So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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