I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
