fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
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Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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