Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
