It was confusing and full of hummus
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
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