he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
that's an acceptable place to lick
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
