i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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