Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
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I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
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Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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