I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
