You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
