Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
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