This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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