I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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