I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
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never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
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some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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