fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
