So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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