Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
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