he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Randomize
