The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
