During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
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He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
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i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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