I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
