I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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