I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
