When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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