I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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