I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
