No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
