When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
