I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
