Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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