i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
