My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
They took my balls.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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