I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
