So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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