everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
