Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
