There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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