Plan B is the new Plan A
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
