i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
