I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
