Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
