Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
