my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
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