I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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