Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
