She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
