someone threw a dead crab at me
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
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