I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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