(775): He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.

(856): Restraining orders are what college is about.

(253): Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....

(623): Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.

(607): I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth

(479): We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe

(508): So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.

(917): She saved the condom from the first time we did it.

(352): So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!

(244): There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other

(847): as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window

(404): he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.

(540): You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.

(570): He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.

(330): im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.

(616): I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.

(648): 100%

(765): She has a lazy eye!

(317): My other option is a hardwood floor

(412): I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.

(484): so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense

(805): i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila

(214): ugly people sure do ruin things