(519): I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."

(847): chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.

(505): Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far

(336): Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.

(307): I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.

(732): some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.

(918): I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.

(415): is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?

(562): not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.

(310): Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.

(832): Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.

(402): Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home

(816): She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.

(970): i take joy in having bigger boobs than others

(815): New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.

(218): I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..

(862): This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.

(205): Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.

(203): Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day

(585): any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?