(731): Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....

(215): May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night

(864): We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.

(207): I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.

(559): Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational

(412): I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks

(949): July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31

(304): this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool

(716): Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.

(317): wrigley field is MILF paradise

(902): is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?

(206): Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.

(314): i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him

(812): You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.

(910): Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.

(647): We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood

(248): Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks

(925): I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..

(804): don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you

(1-804): couldn't find a condom?

(804): basically

(518): You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."