Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
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you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
porn star boner night. come get it.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
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In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize