I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize