apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
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I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
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Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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