You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Found your dick twin last night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize